On My List ...

Loving : The Female Canvas (^cosfrog).
Loathing : Stephenie Meyer and earring infections.
Wanting : To be pierced again (I'm getting my daith at one-twenty).
Dreading : Cleaning my room ...

Word of The Moment ...


'Apoplectic.'

Thoughts ...

I'm sorry folks, but the only way we're going to rid ourselves of this woman's delusional ramblings is to force-feed her every published copy of her stupid stories, strap her to the outside of a rocket and fly her into the sun. Or perhaps a black hole. Whichever happens first.

I've struggled through two of these ridiculous books so far and when I say struggle, I mean it felt like I was drowning in an endless sea of cardboard and cliches and meaningless mythical creatures. And anger. I drowned in anger too.

The books are easy enough to read, sure, but everything about them makes me want to put a gun in my mouth. If that woman uses the word 'marble' in a sentence ever again, I'm going to pull the trigger. I'm just joking. I'll wait until the rocket mission is done first.

Everyone in the world has already taken a dig at her (including my beloved Stephen King), unless of course they're idiots like almost everyone on the planet. Honestly! Everyone I talk to either loves the books (in that creepy I-want-to-lick-the-perspiration-off-Stephenie-Meyer's-forehead kind of love) or indulges in a guilty wee read. I lump both sorts into the same boat because there is nothing enjoyable or wickedly indulgent about reading that rat-woman's (look up a picture of her) books. 'Wickedly indulgent' is like eating a rich triple-chocolate ice cream. I liken reading Meyer's books for pleasure like eating your own shit - a guilty, shameful secret that needs psychiatric attention.

I hate all of her characters. There is only one remotely developed character and that is Jacob Black, but unfortunately the rest of the book and the fact that he's in love with Bella like every other bloody character (including the females) can't save him. The rest are either names without characters of faces or a big fucking Mary Sue. That's Bella, just so you know.

Edward, for instance. All we know about him is that he's a transgender Tinkerbell crossed with a BIG FUCKING SLAB OF MARBLE. Oh, and he sucks blood. After fashioning this character from her own fantasies (honestly, whose dream man is an abusive, controlling, humourless fairy?), Stephenie Meyer sat back and decided to call him a vampire, not realising that there was already a mythological creature in existance with this name.

Now, I know some of you are probably sitting there, thinking, "oh, but you're reading the books! You're a hypocrite!". And I say to you, "I hate you". I'm only reading the books in order to expose that woman for who she is and to actually be able to argue my point with her fans. And if arguing doesn't work, up they go in the rocket too.

A Quote ...

Bella Swan: I've been so frightened, Jacob … But how? He was a vampire! How did you kill him? He was so strong, so hard, like marble ...
[but seriously, who the fuck says that?]

My Cousin:


My Bloodbrother:


A Moonless Night ...

The Original:
Part One: [link]
Part Two: [link]

The Second:
Part One: [link]
Part Two: [link]
Part Three: [link]
Part Four: [link]

The Third:
Coming soon.

Rewritten:
All in due time ...

Current Groups ...
[link]